Carlito's Lament
by SketchGal2
Summary: He's always hiding in the darkness waiting for the light to find him. Carlito shares just a few words to show his appreciation. Oneshot. Warning; Some hate speech, mentions of abuse and some spoilers from Season 2.


"To my hero…my vengeful suitor," Carlito murmured into the glass pressed to his mouth. It clinked against his front teeth as he smiled. "An ode to you Johnny," Carlito laughed to himself. He looked about his surroundings, which was one living room belonging to the Solano mansion. The room was dimly lit by the setting sun which shown over one half of Carlito's face. That face of which now expressed a sense of boredom.

The boredom on his face flickered off just as instantly as it arrived. Carlito sauntered over to the nearest couch lightly stumbling over garbage from the earlier festivities. More light peaked from the encircled curtains around room. So much so that the entire room was somewhat bathed of yellow- orange mixed with the new blue of the upcoming evening.

Carlito left the tumbler he held previously by the nearby window, but thankfully a few more tumblers sat on the coffee table in front of him. Each one was eager to be drunken, all filled with more precious dark _liquidos_ that Carlito's body ached for. Well…it was the second thing that his body seemed to ache for these days. The only other new thing was quite difficult to catch…or hang onto when he was around.

Carlito continued staring off into space… as much as his eyes let him. The alcohol he was drinking along with the blow he blew earlier were starting to mix, taking a profound effect on his vision. The poisonous vibes he felt swarming his body agitated and soothed him at the same time.

"With my already disjointed soul I continue to break from your absence," Carlito moans all while undoing the top button of his collared shirt. The heat in the rather spacious living quarters died down as night rose, however, Carlito felt compelled to adjust his clothes to truly feel the small breeze grazing him. "You breathed life into me Johnny. Are you a god? …Are you god? You bring the evil and recklessness out of me to absorb for yourself" Carlito stopped to stare into the blank wall ahead of him for a few moments until he spoke again. "How selfish of you Johnny".

Carlito gave a final haughty glance at the wall while crossing one of his legs over his , his arms splayed over the back of the couch.

The hands on the clock behind Carlito pressed on as time went by.

One out of the five small glasses that sat on the coffee table was only filled halfway now. The other four were finished off in the hour Carlito spent sitting on the couch. His dark chocolate eyes bored into the empty wall ahead of him. He dared it to respond with his stony stare.

"You pussy"

Carlito gave a fleeting glance at the small glasses before calmly picking them up one by one…and immediately sending them flying at the wall all at once.

The sound of glass shattering rebounded throughout the empty mansion. Carlito's leaned back on the couch and sniffed. What seemed like millions of tiny pieces of the tumblers now lay on the floor, while another portion stuck to the wall. Carlito wiped his hands on the back of the couch not noticing that a few drops of blood smudging it. Although, there was not enough blood to cause alarm to the average person, let alone Carlito. There was just enough blood that when dusted off, with the crystals of the crushed tumblers he threw, his fingers were wiped clean.

Carlito shook his head with faux sadness and sighed. "Your light is so very bright Johnny" he began, still staring at the empty space at the wall. He gestured forward with his hands as he explained himself. "It weakens me and yet strengthens my resolve of wanting to stay around you". He stopped short to fish something of his pocket stiffly. "Can you even breathe without me Johnny, as I cannot for you?"

In Carlito's hands were a bronzed lighter engraved with his initials and a cigarette. He placed the cigarette in his mouth while flicking the lighter under it. Smoke drew slowly with the purpose of escaping from the instrument as it was being held between Carlito's fingers. He took a slow drag, his eyes wide open. The other hand reached into his other pocket to pull out his gold plated gun.

"I am that darkness that makes you whole," Carlito mused, matter-a-factly. "You, you Johnny are that white knight that has so many pretty things inside and outside of himself," Carlito agonized, giving a look of annoyance to nothingness. The room was practically pitch black currently, save for the tiny glow of moonlight and lit butt of the cigarette. His gun waved in a circular motion while he spoke again.

"You cannot help but seek others who do not have that light or are not a knight in shining armor... Ah. I see." Carlito knew he said similar words before…around the time Johnny first kissed him. This was a memory that stained his mind as fiercely as the memory of the first punch his father gave to Lucia and him when they were kids.

It didn't matter.

Carlito shrugged in defeat. "We simply cannot separate from each other's presence". He stood up and began slowly pacing around the room, the cigarette still burning between his fingers and the golden gun remaining cool to the touch. The room's silence seemed to beg for Carlito to continue on after a few minutes passed.

"No" he answered simply.

Carlito stood in one spot of the room with one arm wrapped around the other arm's elbow and kicked at the chair leg of a table in front of him. He sniffed then unwrapped his arms to bring the gun's barrel to his mouth. One finger lightly played with the trigger. "_Lo siento_ Johnny. You are a very important piece in my puzzle. Lucia...is a distraction for you. She is keeping you from me". He closed his eyes breathing in the scent of the gun.

"That bitch treats me like a fool in front of you…and seems to be in _your_ line of focus when it counts the most" Carlito stressed, but kept his voice from rising too high. "If I cannot be happy, trusted or respected then she cannot either". The gun now pressed flat against his face, he placed his lips to barrel for a kiss. Another memory of Johnny kissing the same spot startled his conscious. The words; "_I'm not afraid of you" _dully graced his brain soon after.

*****" '…To have thee with thy lips to stop my mouth; so shouldst thou either turn my flying soul…' "Carlito spoke softly, his eyes searching in the darkness. " 'Or should I breathe it so into thy body and then it liv'd in sweet Elysium...' ". He paused for a moment and then walked back to the couch, leg crossed over his lap again. Fleeting thoughts of the kisses passed once again with the haunting echo of; "_I'm not afraid of you"_

"I am afraid of you Johnny…and I'm not usually afraid of any man. Afraid of what you are doing…Afraid of what you have already done to me" Carlito bemused sluggishly. A sly smile spread his mouth, one that was not filled with happiness or anger. Delight made Carlito laugh to himself as his eyes began faltering to introduce the nightmares that conquered his sleep.

"And for that you must pay the consequences of your actions…you stupid little man".

* * *

I hope this isn't too much out of character. ._. Or boring…

I feel like Carlito talks to himself when he's alone sometimes. I see him reciting Shakespeare or something kinda dramatic?

Hope this was enjoyed. Glad Carlito is returning in the next season, I like him as a villain! (and his interactions with Johnny are interesting. I want to see him interact with other ppl too besides Johnny and Jakes) :3

Bye, I'm off to scrap together some of my slightly abandoned fanfics! lol

Please Review when you have the chance

***Quote from Act 3 scene two of King Henry the Sixth part2 by William Shakespeare, said by Suffolk to the Queen.**


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